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The Guide To Sobriety Thru Self Compassion

July 29, 2014

There are three important aspects related to sobriety to keep in mind for yourself or a loved one who is suffering from addiction. 1) realize you (or a loved one) need to get sober 2) stop using substances altogether and 3)maintaining your sobriety by adopting a new lifestyle.

I want to touch on all three here and intertwine experience, what has been taught to me, what I do to ensure a wellness based lifestyle and tools that help maintain sobriety.

One of the most important things is to be the authority of your own life. In essence you have to control your course of sobriety according to what works best for you and its always best to focus on self compassion, self love, honesty, integrity, controlling your anxiety/fear and not setting yourself up for failure. In terms of the anxiety and fear, it is so important to focus on not rushing things. Everything should be done on your terms.

For example, let’s say you have an issue with a medication that you use for anxiety and feel you are now using it more often than prescribed and have become aware its a problem. Once you are aware of the problem its time for action but understand you are the expert of yourself. Its good to share with people around you who would understand and share their feelings in a gentle and skillful way.

Working dramatically doesn’t work.

White knuckling or “cold turkey” doesn’t work.

You may have heard from friends, family, coworkers or the Internet of people who did this and it worked well for them. They are the exception. The reason is that the concept of suffering for the sake of sobriety lacks self love and self compassion. Start slowly, be highly motivated, moderate your intake then moderate more until you are comfortable putting the substance in the past.

Self compassion comes into play here in a big way. Love yourself into growth and change. Now this to me is one of the most challenging concepts. In my case I used substances to fill my heart after the loss of many close family members. I had a hole in my heart that should have been filled with wellness driven activities but instead I used substances that made me feel that love. This was all bullshit as it wasn’t filling me with love, rather it filled my head and my soul with regret and sadness. Every time I thought about getting off substances I always had an excuse – these obstacles were always made to be bigger than they really were like business and travel. I can’t stop using today because it will affect my business and make it tough for me to stop.

So I decided the only way for me to stop and stop forever was to put myself to the test. Really experiment, test it and see what works. Remember you are the authority of your life. In my situation I stopped drinking in my early 20s but continued using other substances for years after. When I realized the substances were overpowering me I looked back to what I had done well in the past. Look, it wasn’t rocket science – I used tried and true methods that worked when I stopped drinking. I knew it was time to act and I knew what worked for me. What I wanted to make sure of this time around is that I would have elements of wellness to fill the void of dropping the substance. I wasn’t going to become a 500 hour yoga teacher who all of a sudden could do acroyoga, hours of meditation and write a book. All of these things were goals, large goals that I didn’t need to attain right away. I knew the blueprint for my overall recovery would come from somewhere deeper than when I quit alcohol.

I wanted this to be a more spiritual and compassionate experience so I wrote down four things that would become the framework for getting off this substance that was part of my life for more than half of it.

These four items are 1) knowing the arc of my life and making decisions based on my experiences. 2) the goal to be someone not dependant on a substance and not dependant on the lifestyle that accompanies dependancy 3) be totally open and honest about wanting to be successful and use that as my driving force and 4) know my way and know my pace.

Essentially these four things bring me to my mission statement for my own recovery – be successful by any means necessary because failure is not an option.

This should not be at the expense of losing self love/self compassion. My trajectory is to live a straight and sober life full of love, compassion, empathy and happiness. I used to only know the life of someone dependant on substance. Now I know that being sober requires more than just stopping use, it requires love, honesty, a new wellness inspired lifestyle and making good decisions based on all I have learned. Its easy to get caught up in your own head with thoughts of doubt and regret so it is so important to shift your personal narritive from catastrophic negative thinking to thoughts that are positive based on the idea that you have a plan and the knowledge that you will succeed under any circumstance.

Using the idea of ascension has helped tremendously. Learning and carrying crystals are a great reminder that I am on a spiritual path. I use two special crystals when my head starts to go to the past. Those are Moldavite and Kyanite. Two stones full of love, emotional grounding and healing. Here are two examples if you are interested in learning about them(along with others!). Moldavite and Kyanite. These and other Loving Brazilian Crystals can be very helpful in staying mindful and grounded.

Keep putting in work, love yourself and live life on your terms. Anything is possible, you can control your path. Reach out and email me at info@v2crystals.com. Let’s do this together. Much love always!

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